1 day: testimony.

I was compelled by the spirit today to write my testimony. 

Compelled. 

I don't think I could have stopped if I tried.

It is difficult to put into words

how necessary it was

to just WRITE.  

The Lord revealed things about my heart to me,

things about my past.

He began to connect the dots

right before my eyes

and rejoiced over me 

because finally, after all those years of being a Christian,

I understand the gospel.

Do I have perfect clarity about all things?

and feel certain about the future?

Certainly not.

But the Lord reminded me today in Hebrews 

that he does not change his mind.

When he swears something 

he does not change his mind.

(Hebrews 7:20-22)

Jesus "has become the guarantee of a better covenant"

because of the Lord's oath

declaring his son a priest - forever.

Such a bold promise 

to which my heart can cling.

Thank you, Jesus, for loving me

despite my "Runaway Syndrome."

Thank you for meeting me where I was

and not leaving me there.

Tomorrow is the day! I take off for Atlanta early in the morning and then will take a shuttle to Ridge Haven in North Carolina with all the MTW summer interns for pre-field training!

I will be in New York City on Friday.

So exciting!

The Lord is so faithful. He and he alone brought me here.

I am so thankful for the people who have loved and supported me through the support raising process. Thank you for continuing to pray for the Lord's work at Operation Exodus, the other volunteers and staff there, and for me. Please know that I am also praying for you and thanking God every time I remember you.

Grace be with you all.

2 days: gospel-saturated.

"...But join with me in suffering for the gospel,
by the power of God,
who has saved us and called us to a holy life -
not because of anything we have done
but because of his own purpose and grace.
This grace was given us in Christ Jesus
before the beginning of time,
but it has now been revealed
through the appearing of our Savior, Christ Jesus,
who has destroyed death and has brought life
and immortality to light through the gospel...
Yet I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed
and am convinced that he is able to guard
what I have entrusted to him for that day."
2 Timothy 1:8-12


Right before this section, Paul is exhorting Timothy to "not be ashamed to testify about our Lord" because he "did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline."


The Lord calls us to live holy lives. Living a holy life will never be a result of our hard work or exceptional obedience. We can do nothing to make God love us more or less - our identity is Christ.
Christ not only wiped our slates clean, he wrote on them for us.
Now, all God sees is "Christ" and none of our failed attempts to win his favor through the law.
Holy living and obedience to the Lord's commandments are how we glorify and honor our king. 
Jesus tells us again and again that if we love him, we will obey his commandments. 
Our sinful, rebellious hearts do not always make it so easy, but how deeply do we desire to please the one we love? Enough to deny ourselves?


So...what if we lived like this was true every day?
Unashamed - boldly speaking the gospel to ourselves and others.
Basking in the presence of the Lord and letting his radiance shine through us
to this dark world.
Streams of living water, Christ, flowing from us!


This is my prayer for the hearts of all the MTW interns - to live gospel-saturated lives, boldly proclaiming the grace we have received, not due to anything we have done. 
It's all about Christ.


Grace, mercy and peace be with you!

3 days: family.

I spent some time with my family and friends today at my aunt and uncle's house for a cookout. It was a fun time, full of laughs and delicious food. I love how families are basically a bunch of quirky, very different people, maybe with a few similarities in appearance, smushed together and tied by the bonds of love. Family love is characterized by sacrifice and forgiveness and acceptance - despite sometimes glaring differences. This brings me to what I reading today in Hebrews 2:11.

"Both the one who makes men holy and those who are made holy are of the same family.
So Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers."

Oh my goodness, how amazing is that?! We, the ones being made holy, are in the same family as the perfect one who makes us holy. Jesus accepts us into his family! Through Jesus' suffering, we are made as perfect as he was made. What an amazing gift. We are the Lord's adopted children. We do not join the family in name alone  when we accept and believe in Christ and the gospel, but we get to be real, active members despite our fallenness. The Lord loves us too much to let us be "that rebellious child" and will continue to strive to draw us closer to him and the others in the family. The writer of Hebrews also calls his family to strive to know Jesus more and more.

"Therefore, holy brothers,
who share in the heavenly calling,
fix your thoughts on Jesus,
the apostle and high priest in whom we confess."
Hebrews 3:1

Let us fix our thoughts on Jesus each and every day!
Renew me, Lord, and sanctify me through and through.
Let my thoughts be always on you and your beauty, grace and boundless love.

May the grace and peace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all.

4 days: preparation.

My self-imposed decree of seclusion resulted in a day of cleaning, doing laundry, beginning to pack (shocking, I know!) and preparing for pre-field worship next week.

I love leading worship music and this opportunity is a great joy for me. It is something I really miss doing regularly, as I was able to do in high school. I always learn so much as I prepare my heart to worship the Lord and lead music for others. I remember some of the hard lessons I learned in high school about performance vs. worship. The Lord worked on my heart and helped me understand that it is worship when all I am thinking about is him. Preparation and musicality are important of course, but in those moments when the body of Christ comes together to sing his praises, my heart ought to be totally lost in the beauty, majesty and splendor of who Christ is.

I adore poetry and many worship songs are beautiful, poetic expressions of man's conversations with the Lord. How wonderful it is to worship him through poetry and music! I think it is a testament to the mystery of the Lord how often his word is written in poetic form. Poetry is not as straightforward as prose and is often better understood read aloud. The psalms are perfect examples of praise in the form of poetry - and music. 
"Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you. As Psalm 63 says,
 I will praise you as long as I live, 
and in your name I will lift up my hands. 
My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods; 
with singing lips my mouth will praise you." 

Let us glorify the Lord with singing lips! I leave you with the last stanza of "Jesus, Lover of My Soul" by Charles Wesley.

Plenteous grace with Thee is found,
Grace to cover all my sin;
Let the healing streams abound;
Make and keep me pure within.
Thou of life the fountain art,
Freely let me take of Thee;
Spring Thou up within my heart;
Rise through all eternity.

5 days: change my plans.

Again, I am reminded of Proverbs 19:21.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, 
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."


As I abide in him, he teaches me to hold things loosely.
A lesson I must learn over and over again.
But he is all I need!


It is in the stillness
and quiet
when I am face to face
with my thoughts.
Solitary drives in the dark
blasting music until my throat is scratchy and raw
with emotion
or sitting in silence -
the hum of the motor and rush of the wind
my only physical companions
Words, words, words.
Re-opening scars I thought 
were healed long ago.
Purge me of the scar tissue, Lord!
My plans never happen the way I expect.
Purge me of my desires, Lord!
You provide what I need
and I try to want 
what you want.
For I know to whom I belong
"Abide in me, abide in me"
his eternal chorus.
Draw me closer to you, Lord.
For I am yours
and yours first.

6 days: resting.

THIS is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
               "In repentance and rest is your salvation
                        in quietness and trust is your strength..."
                                        Isaiah 30:15

I have discovered how, daily, my initial impulses are always contrary to this truth.
So often I want to keep DOING and doing until I collapse in fatigue.
The Lord speaks to my restless heart and reminds me I find my strength
and salvation in
rest and quietness
In this last week of craziness before I fly to Atlanta for pre-field training, I am learning how to rest and abide in Jesus.
How immersed can I be in his presence?
How radical am I willing to be to experience more Jesus and less of me?

Though in his kindness he rescued me from the lies I believed, there are still times I struggle to communicate with the Lord.
It is as if I have a subconscious belief that I need to have it all together before I talk to God. He gently reminds me to come to him often.
Not just once a day during my quiet time.
All day.
Every day.

"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know," the Lord says to Jeremiah in chapter thirty-three.
He does this for me.
I cannot count the number of times a thought has popped into my mind that I surely would not have thought on my own. He has a way of teaching me truth and challenging me when I abide in him. Sometimes it is through other people, his Word, his creation or in prayer.
When I abide in him, he also abides in me. How beautiful!

I pray for all believers - that we may live in intimate fellowship with the Lord, abiding in him.

Grace and peace be with you!

the countdown begins: 7 days!

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, 
not because of the righteous things we had done, 
but because of his mercy. 
He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, 
whom he poured out generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, 
so that having been justified by grace, 
we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life."
Titus 3:4-7 


Amen! I love how Paul is constantly reminding himself and others of the gospel. It's not what I have done, but what Jesus has done. Grace, grace, grace. 


My desire is to know Jesus and to make him known. This is my purpose. So many times I try to sustain myself with water from a cistern I dig myself - "a broken cistern that cannot hold water" (Jer. 2:13) rather than by Jesus Christ, the spring of living water. But Jesus promises that "Whoever believes in me, as the Scripture has said, streams of living water will flow from within him." (John 7:38) How desperately I want those streams of living water to flow out of me! To be so filled with Jesus and the life he brings that I overflow sounds almost too good to be true. But isn't grace that way? He saved us because of his mercy and grace, not for anything we have or have not done. Praise the Lord.


I am FULLY funded. I think I actually went a little over budget because some of the estimated costs came down. God is so faithful. He has taught me so much about trusting him completely. And yes, it IS possible to raise over $4000 in 2 months. Thank you, thank you, thank you to all the people who financially supported Operation Exodus's mission by helping me be able to get there and do the Lord's work. Thank you for the many prayers and petitions for the mission and for my heart. I could not ever have imagined I would receive so much support emotionally, spiritually, financially and even physically.


I leave for MTW's Pre-Field Training at Ridge Haven in North Carolina in one week! I can hardly believe the time has come. I've been bombarded with information and details and all of it is increasing my excitement. I know where I will be living in June, an apartment we are subletting for the month, on Riverside Drive near 180th street, and in July, the apartments where the short-term missionaries stay for a week at a time. 


We are still working on solidifying our individual roles as interns, but it is also very flexible. It is such a wonderful opportunity to make use of the intern's specific gifts and talents. Operation Exodus no longer seems like a distant concept or idea, but a reality. Which it will be in a little over a week!


Grace be with you all.