darkness and light

In a late night attempt to saturate my soul with Jesus the other day, I read John 3:16-21 to remind myself of the gospel - but I also found something else. Even in my sleepiness, the Lord opened my eyes and revealed the gospel to me in another amazing way. This time, it was the metaphor of darkness and light.

"This is the verdict: 

Light has come into the world, 

but people loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. 

Everyone who does evil hates the light, 

and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 

But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, 

so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done

has been done in the sight of God."

This theme is one that has long been on my heart. I have strived for many years to live my life as "an open book" or for the sake of this metaphor, "in the light." My own attempts failed miserably and entangled me in a web of secrets and deceit. I was so downtrodden and filled with shame because I knew I was living a double-life. Guilt plagued me as I continued to pretend I had it all together, while on the inside I was wasting away. How I longed to live in the light - how I longed to reveal my secrets. Why couldn't I be a child of the light? This has been my struggle until I was able to finally grasp the fullness of the gospel. The gospel freed me and the Lord showed me that I am still lovable despite my many, many failings. The next morning, I was reading Ephesians and came across this passage in chapter five:

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. 

Live as children of light 

(for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) 

and find out what pleases the Lord. 

Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, 

but rather expose them. 

It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret.

But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—

and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. 

This is why it is said:
“Wake up, sleeper, 

rise from the dead,

and Christ will shine on you.”

The truth of the gospel brings freedom. For so long I wanted to live a perfect and moral life that was able to withstand even the harshest scrutiny...until I realized I couldn't. Guilt and shame accompanied that realization and weighed heavy on my heart. But Jesus, the good and merciful savior, did not leave me wallowing in guilt. He not only wiped my slate clean, but he wrote on it all the perfect things HE has done. My wrongs don't make the Lord love me less in the same way any decent things I do make him love me more. Gospel gospel gospel.


And now, you know what? I am free. Free to make mistakes and still be loved.
I still screw up. Every day. 
But I no longer live in the bondage of darkness and secrecy.
I think the darkness of secrets and isolation are some of Satan's strongest weapons against us.
But the light of the power of the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ is stronger.


May his grace saturate your souls.