humble me

"I call when my heart grows faint, lead me to the rock that is higher than I." 
Psalm 61:2


Humble me
My heart is an adventurer
but "prone to wander."
dancing to the heartbeat of the city.
let me not fall in love 
with the city,
but rather with its creator.
there are so many stories
but which words do I choose?
the power of words 
is frightening.
and electrifying.
Am I looking for Jesus here?
Am I learning 
to fix my eyes on him
every day?
Jesus, how I must become less
for you to become greater.
Humble me, Lord.
Let not my prideful, self-seeking heart
overshadow the joy
the thrill
the pure bliss
and freedom of your saving grace.
As I bask in your grace
open my mouth to speak the gospel
to others
and to myself.
Humble me

It is real, friends. I am sitting in my apartment on Riverside Drive and 181st looking out over the Hudson and the George Washington Bridge writing this post. After finishing up our time at Ridge Haven, my darling teammates, Mary Frances and Martha, and I landed at LaGuardia on Friday evening. Matt Mahoney, the executive director of Operation Exodus, picked us up in a beige minivan and drove expertly through the perilous streets of the city. Awhile into the drive, Matt proceeded to inform us that we would be stopping by Exodus first so we could drop off our stuff. Apparently, the woman who is subletting her apartment to us was feeling very uncomfortable and nervous about the prospect of three college girls living there for a month. She requested that we bring only the bare minimum of what we need at first to avoid the appearance that we will be living there. (I began to pick up on the idea that it may be slightly illegal to sublet, at least in this apartment building - where I happen to be sitting now.) It was already almost 8:00 pm. He told us to show up at Exodus around 9:30 tomorrow, then he handed us the keys, told us to tell the doorman we were headed to 6E and said, “See you tomorrow!” 

While I had no idea what to expect, it was immediately evident that this apartment was not what I had been expecting. Apparently, I had been harboring some "hidden" expectations all year about the whole experience. However, they were quickly being demolished one by one. The apartment was one room with a closet-sized kitchen and bathroom. While nervously and frantically explaining some things about her home to us, the woman stressed the importance of us being very quiet, well-behaved and kind to the neighbors. She went on for awhile about the cat we would be watching, which we promptly re-named Mr. Bojangles after her departure. In her haste to leave, she mentioned that Matt had told her we wouldn’t really need anything and would be fine on our own. The door slammed shut and I was rendered speechless as the girls and I stared at each other in sheer confusion. Here we were, dropped off in New York City and were already on our own within an hour of landing. We laughed a lot that night.  Since it was getting late, I suggested we go out and find somewhere to eat dinner before it got too dark as we were alone in an unfamiliar area.

The three of us ended up all sleeping in one queen bed in the hot room since we were so exhausted. The next morning, we made the short walk to Exodus and arrived a few minutes before 9:30. This was the second to last Saturday program of the year and many of the groups were taking trips or excursions. but a few were staying at Exodus. After the meeting, Matt told us we could go observe and I got to hang out with the 2nd and 3rd grade girls and with their mentor, Lisa.

I have never experienced little girls like these little girls. Wild and rambunctious, at times uncontrollable, but sweet as sugar - even with their sass. They were little energetic balls of joy and excitement. Lisa told me our activity for the day was making blueberry muffins. It was a baking experience I will not soon forget. Neither Lisa nor I knew where anything was in the Chef Margarita’s kitchen. It all worked out, though, and even without watching the timing, the blueberry muffins came out of the oven puffy and light brown. The kitchen was sparkling and dishes all cleaned by that time, thanks to the hard work of the girls. They all enjoyed picking out which muffins were theirs and I know I enjoyed tasting the fruit of our labor. It was exhausting and so hot in that kitchen, but it was a fun morning.

Matt took us and two other long-term interns to Malecon, a Dominican restaurant, for lunch. The food was delicious! Afterwards, one of the interns, Erin, took us around the city and we talked about living in the city and learned a lot about Exodus. She was such a huge blessing to us since we have been feeling completely ignorant and unsure of ourselves. 

Central Park!

It was a sweet feeling to be back in New York City. I love the energy, the pulse of the city and the eclectic mix of people. I  am still processing everything and trying to remember to fix my eyes on Jesus. The busyness sometimes makes me lose sight of what is most important - the gospel. Jesus. Grace. I so desperately need to abide in him every moment of every day.

St. Patrick's Cathedral

May each of you be filled with grace of our Lord Jesus Christ every day.


P.S. I love getting mail!
My address is:

Operation Exodus Inner City, Inc

Attn: Bethany Daniels

21 Wadsworth Ave

New York, NY 10033